FINAL restart to my journey to healthy
Ive just recently decided to publish this blog that has, in many ways, been a private journey through my struggles with illness and my weight. The struggle has been ongoing long before the Internet existed; I think I may have been "normal" sized at age 10. After that, just fat.
In many ways I have gone up and down with my struggles, like most people do. I have been smaller and huge, but never "normal" weight as an adult. I came close after my mom died; weighing in at 190, but that was a result of trauma, and not eating for about six months. Im not sure what kept me alive at that time, but it certainly wasnt all of the beer I was drinking. I was the smallest Ive been as an adult, and very very unhealthy. Shortly after I got pregnant, and gained a whopping 70 pounds during that nine months. Today my baby is nineteen, and I am about at what I weighed when I gave birth. But much much healthier.
If you've read all the posts, or even skimmed the titles; you can see what a struggle Ive had with losing and gaining, trying new things, and working on my diet. What you may not see, and I did not either at the time, was that CrossFit really helped me change my relationship and ideas about food. After starting CrossFit, I was able to break my sugar addiction, and really think about food as fuel, not "rewards". Though the scale climbed back up with all my thyroid crap, I still felt healthier than before. Being diagnosed with Hashimotos and being told my thyroid was basically dead resulted in a few years of trying to get a handle of that. It was very hard. I knew I wanted to treat it as naturally as possible, but also knew it would take longer. Years later, today, I can say that the only lasting effect that I have is that Im still fat (but slowly shrinking, thanks to WLS). I do not have near the devastating symptoms that a lot of my fellow Hashi's have; including being bed ridden. I am so thankful for that.
All of this babbling brings me to the most important decision Ive ever made. Last August I made the decision to have weight loss surgery. It was the most debated, thought about, and struggled decision I have ever had to make. Im a pretty easy decision maker, but this one was a hard thing to accept (that I could not do it on my own) and that no matter how mentally strong I became, it was not going to happen for me without WLS. I started the six month process to get approved for the surgery. I went to appointment after appointment. Blood work, weigh ins, psych evals, drug testing, therapy, nutrition, and seminars. I do not have a "food addiction" and I dont feel like I have a loss of control when it comes to food. I do not have an issue with being active, and I dont have an issue with hard work. I also consider myself pretty mentally strong, so I really thought that this would be simple. Not easy, I knew that, but SIMPLE. Follow the guidelines, boom, there you go.
Well.........I was so fucking wrong. See next post. And get ready to laugh with me, or at me.
In many ways I have gone up and down with my struggles, like most people do. I have been smaller and huge, but never "normal" weight as an adult. I came close after my mom died; weighing in at 190, but that was a result of trauma, and not eating for about six months. Im not sure what kept me alive at that time, but it certainly wasnt all of the beer I was drinking. I was the smallest Ive been as an adult, and very very unhealthy. Shortly after I got pregnant, and gained a whopping 70 pounds during that nine months. Today my baby is nineteen, and I am about at what I weighed when I gave birth. But much much healthier.
If you've read all the posts, or even skimmed the titles; you can see what a struggle Ive had with losing and gaining, trying new things, and working on my diet. What you may not see, and I did not either at the time, was that CrossFit really helped me change my relationship and ideas about food. After starting CrossFit, I was able to break my sugar addiction, and really think about food as fuel, not "rewards". Though the scale climbed back up with all my thyroid crap, I still felt healthier than before. Being diagnosed with Hashimotos and being told my thyroid was basically dead resulted in a few years of trying to get a handle of that. It was very hard. I knew I wanted to treat it as naturally as possible, but also knew it would take longer. Years later, today, I can say that the only lasting effect that I have is that Im still fat (but slowly shrinking, thanks to WLS). I do not have near the devastating symptoms that a lot of my fellow Hashi's have; including being bed ridden. I am so thankful for that.
All of this babbling brings me to the most important decision Ive ever made. Last August I made the decision to have weight loss surgery. It was the most debated, thought about, and struggled decision I have ever had to make. Im a pretty easy decision maker, but this one was a hard thing to accept (that I could not do it on my own) and that no matter how mentally strong I became, it was not going to happen for me without WLS. I started the six month process to get approved for the surgery. I went to appointment after appointment. Blood work, weigh ins, psych evals, drug testing, therapy, nutrition, and seminars. I do not have a "food addiction" and I dont feel like I have a loss of control when it comes to food. I do not have an issue with being active, and I dont have an issue with hard work. I also consider myself pretty mentally strong, so I really thought that this would be simple. Not easy, I knew that, but SIMPLE. Follow the guidelines, boom, there you go.
Well.........I was so fucking wrong. See next post. And get ready to laugh with me, or at me.
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