Long journey to healthy

tomorrow marks the fifteen year anniversary since my mother was murdered. Words cannot express the pain that I feel as I relieve this traumatic event in my life once again. I know that I will awake at 6am, just like I did on that day in 1997, knowing that something is very very wrong. Some years are easier than others, and I am able to pass through with little emotion. Today, I find myself reliving some of the anxiety and pure sadness that I felt back then. Its amazing how grief works; how it cycles, and works at you. I think a big reason its so hard this year, are the two, significant losses Ive suffered this year, that gnaw at me, continually, and eat at my grief container. Losing Dulle was so hard, in ways that cannot be expressed in words, or understood by anyone outside of the law enforcement family. When you go to work everyday and know that someone may die protecting you, or you may have to lay down your own life, it creates a bond between coworkers th...

So, here we are, months after struggling with thyroid issues, weight gain, extreme fatigue, cloudiness, and a general feeling of just being chronically ill. Those of you who really know me, know that I hate being sick, or not feeling myself. Ok, not one person enjoys being sick, but I have been downright MISERABLE. Im tired all the time, I have no motivation, and my hair is falling out, threatening my vanity at its core. I realize it could be so much worse. Which is why I havent posted in so long. Constant increases to my thyroid medication and no changes. So there I was, making an appointment to meet with my Dr to find out WTF was going on. No changes or alleviation of my symptoms despite the fact that I ingest 180mg of thryoid medication a day. Constant daily headaches, and ridiculous back pain, joint pain, etc. Just everything sucks. The cloudy memory and fog is the worst. I cannot remember anything!!! I know I have let people down and been somewhat o...